So to update you all, yes we are adopting two amazing children. That doesn’t mean we stop learning “lessons along the way.” No, we are not sharing all the details of where we are with transitioning the kids yet.  But we will happily share some of the simplex lessons we have learned as we’ve worked to get to where we are. 

Lessons I’ve learned:

• I have no control.  This is hard as hell. We’ve gotten a lot of people to commend our “great patience”. God’s grace has helped us with this. Eli and I have learned the hard way that things just will not happen in our timeline or in the way we envision it, and there isn’t always a reason for it.  Which brings me to my next lesson:
• The saying that “Everything happens for a reason” is a bunch of bullshit.  I know that sounds harsh, but let me explain. Try saying that statement to the 440,000 children who are currently in the completely underfunded, poorly resourced foster care system.  Sometimes things happen not for a reason but because things are broken and bad shit happens.
• There is always more to the story…stop with the generalizations.  Nothing is as it seems and I’ve learned to stop and take the time to get to know people, their back stories.  Ripping on people, making assumptions, generalizations is not good for anyone…it’s toxic all around.  
• Everything isn’t always everyone’s business.  Although I have decided to share portions of my story, our journey, I have no right to share my future children’s story with anyone.  I’m working to feel less pressured to give explanations. This is still hard for me, but I’m getting better at it. As their future mother, it is my job to protect them, and a big way that I can do that is by holding their history, their story in privacy.  It is theirs to share, own, and acknowledge.  
• I’m learning to say no.  No to giving juicy details on what’s happening in our lives.  No to nosiness about my kids’ history. No to taking on another task or duty at work that I just can’t take on right now.  No to making social plans when I just don’t have the emotional bandwidth to do it. And guess what? It feels pretty damn empowering.  
• And the most important lesson I’ve learned…to learn—about trauma, from the experiences of adoptees, about systemic racism that is woven into the very fiber of this country, from my children. 

So what have I learned as I’ve worked so hard to become a woman of grit and grace…it’s not a destination you get to, but what happens to you as you journey along the way.

~Chelsea