I know it’s been a long time since we’ve done a blog post. Even amidst adding to our family, life gets busy. We’ve recently had the end of another fantastic summer camp season, are gearing up to start the next school year, and took a much needed mini-vacation to our favorite little city—Duluth. But it doesn’t mean that adoption has been far from our minds; I mean let’s face it—it never is.

It’s hard to believe that it has now been over two years since we first embarked on our journey to adopt. It’s amazing how much things have changed, how much I have changed. We’ve chosen to be very open on our thoughts, feelings, and experiences regarding adoption, so we wanted to take a little time to update you.

1. We are not dragging our feet just to drag our feet. I know many of you have asked where we are now in the process, and unfortunately, lately we’ve had to say “nowhere”. It’s hard to explain where we are. We decided to let our home study lapse in late February because we weren’t exactly sure where we wanted to write our next home study. We are still currently in the process of figuring that out. From our understanding in the state of Wisconsin we cannot hold a public and private home study license at the same time, so in return, we want to be very sure of the next decision we make. We have expressed interest in both the private and public sector of adoption, but do not have an interest in pursuing international adoption. Every article we read, agency we call, conversation we have is continuing to bring us closer and closer to making our next move.
2. This is our first choice. I really wanted to spend some time to clarify this. We are not second-guessing adoption. Yes, we had two miscarriages, but we most definitely could have exhausted other biological options. We chose not to. We are not hesitant about our choice to adopt, and yes, it is a choice. I think this confuses some people. Yes, at times I get a little “weepy” that Eli and I will never see a child who has my eyes and his chin, but that’s just me being a little selfish—having a weak moment. But let’s be 100% clear, I get more “weepy” that my child someday will not be able to see his/her eyes and chin in Eli and I, or that he or she will feel pain because he/she is not with his/her first family. Adoption is rooted in loss…not mine, but my future child’s. They are losing their first family, and no, I don’t feel defensive about that. It’s the truth. This journey has taught me so much. It’s taught me to put my own ego aside. Why is it so hard for us to believe that a child can love more than one family, when parents can love more than one child? So let me reiterate, adoption is not a second choice for us, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t understand the loss that surrounds adoption. It’s not sunshine and rainbows, but it’s real and rooted in love. A love that is so strong that you would lower your walls, put away your ego, and learn about the good, the bad, and ugly surrounding adoption.
3. The wait is okay. That sentence may seem a bit confusing because it is. Of course I never thought that I would have to wait this long to adopt a child/children, but I have learned to trust in God’s timing, not mine. And I’m so thankful I have. In our experience we went through a honeymoon phase of pursuing adoption, trying to equate it to “expecting” our first child. Man, I look back on those moments and they are totally cringe worthy. It’s not the same at all, and I am completely fine with that. The wait time we have had has allowed me to really open my eyes to the reality that is adoption. It’s helped me to develop more grit. It’s allowed me to learn so much so that I can be the very best parent to my future child/children. See parenting a child through adoption is different than parenting a child biologically. It requires humility, knowledge, advocacy for your child’s needs far before your own, and a deep understanding of how they came to you—through loss. I know that those things can be compared to biologically raising a child too, but when applied to adoption it’s a bit different. So, as we wait, I choose to be grateful for the wait and to absorb as much knowledge as I can, so that I can be the best parent for my future child/children.
4. Although we may get sad sometimes, we really are happy. I think sometimes when Eli and I have a rough moment, or I get a little sad, people assume that our wait or our adoption story is a sad thing. It’s not and we’re not. We are so happy and so unbelievably in love. Yes, we have our moments where the wait is hard, or we feel sadness surrounding the realization that my child will hurt, deeply hurt, because of the loss of his/her biological family. But we should hurt over those things, and just because we do doesn’t mean we are sad about where we are or our decision. In no way whatsoever will our future child/children be lucky to have us. We are the privileged ones, we are the blessed ones, and we don’t take that lightly. Jody Landers said it perfectly with, “Children born to another woman call me ‘Mom’. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.” This quote sums up adoption perfectly.

So simply speaking we are learning, waiting, and happy.

~Chelsea