So in our “The Back Story Part 2” post, we left off that we had chosen our agency and were pursuing domestic infant adoption. As I look back on this, it’s almost laughable to see where we started to where we are now. Flash forward a full year and a few months and we are in a totally different spot. A spot that for a little while now, I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about until I had processed it. Now, I’m starting to see that confronting it is a part of the process.

Within the last year and few months we’ve transitioned to realize that we are open to so much more than domestic infant adoption (adoption of an infant within the United States). We felt pushed and open to look into many different directions. We are still interested in adopting within the United States; however, in the past year we have entertained adopting sibling groups with ages ranging from three to eight years old. We have looked at sibling groups out of the foster care system of two and four children. We’ve look into adopting a little girl who is eight years old. This process has been eye opening.

Although we have been open to so much, we are still waiting. Patiently, and my goodness, humbly. You must learn humility and how to be humble to adopt because you will learn fast that it isn’t about you. Within the last six weeks or so, we’ve realized that we’ve kind of hit a dead end. We thought that being open to more would be much simpler, but it’s very complex (wish there was a word for that). We thought we could merely update our home study to make us eligible to foster to adopt. However, there are many factors making adoption quite complex. Adoption is down in the state of Wisconsin, our home study expires in February, and within the last year the state of Wisconsin has added new things to the home study process, which makes renewing our home study a little bit more of a process.

Where I sit, personally, right now…I’m not sure where to go. What to do? For the first time, I don’t feel a push. And that’s uncomfortable for me. I’m a doer. A control freak. I like to make things happen, and this is out of my control. So what do I plan to do? Sit in silence. Nestle in. Take close care of my heart because at times it feels so fragile. So, what do I want you to do? Please don’t look at Eli and me with pity or sadness. We don’t need that. We know this is where we should be and some of life’s lessons are hard, but I know I’m better for it, and I will be better for my future child or children. And that is who this is about. Not me, not Eli, but our future child/children.

What I’d love from you? What should Eli and I do in the meantime as we wait? Fun suggestions? Great places to eat? Ideas of what we can do to preoccupy ourselves and boost our hearts to being ready to head bravely down the rocky but well worth it road. In the comment section, please leave us ideas of things we can do to survive the wait (we’ve tried so many so far-i.e. grad school, starting the blog, etc.).

So, I’ll sit in the uncomfortableness and continue to live life because that’s what you do, right? The simplexity of our situation is not lost on me right now, but I sure plan to continue to learn from it.

~Chelsea