What a year, huh?  The holidays are upon us.  Eli and I this weekend went through all of the photos we haven’t organized or developed in the last year.  The total…somewhere around 1500. 

We cried.

We laughed.

We were in awe.

It was almost a year ago that our children came home to us.  We have 1500 photos from this year…yet the stories are so much more. 

We have utter elation and complete pain.

We have celebrating holidays but recognizing losses.

We have a family, but a pandemic that keeps us from more of our family.

This is our story.

I can’t even describe what these photos say…to you they make look like a family that was so wanted.

A family who is celebrating.

Laughing.

Enjoying their firsts.

They are far more than that.  

I feel the weight, and let’s face it, the time constraints of raising a 14 and 11 year old.  I feel the pressure and fear of a virus that holds so many mysteries, that I’m exposed to daily, and that restricts us from holding near and dear “new friends and family”.  I am seeing, for the first time, through the eyes of my children.  My Black children how this country sees them.  As a threat.  As less than, when they are far more.  I embrace Black excellence, but feel the heaviness of a racist society.  

I’ve loved “showing” you my family.  I’m so proud of us, but it’s simplex. Society…you…love to see their “effort”.  The cute frog picture.  How “precious” they are.  But let’s face it…the simplexity of 2020 has shown it’s ugly face.

Racism was never gone.

Love just isn’t enough.

We can’t wait around for someone else to do something.

But…there is always hope.

We became a family this year.  I spoke out this year.  We learned about each other this year.  What a simplex year in review.  

~Chelsea