I will walk alongside you.  I don’t expect you to get it all right.  But I do expect you to do better. I have messed up, will mess up, and am currently messing up. But I’m working to do better.  The level of white fragility that I have seen in light of recent events is mind-blowing…I’m sure it’s not mind-blowing to my friends of color.  God bless your patience.  I’ve been relatively outspoken…I’ve tried to engage, and when it’s no longer constructive or worth educating, have learned to move on. If maybe it were just me having a “hypothetical” discussion, I would allow that to happen.  But that isn’t my life. My kids and friends are too important. 

Can that be seen to some as “giving up”?  Sure…but I’ve worked hard lately to listen to the voices of Black individuals and people of color. I don’t have it all right.  I will mess it up time and time again, but I’m willing to draw a firm line. I’m willing to do the tough work…and I know that means “giving something up”.  Because to dismantle white supremacy means I will no longer benefit from it. I will not acquiesce to the voice of white fragility.  We need to be humbled.  To listen.  I am BEYOND appreciative of the Black voices that have been willing to pour into my and my family’s life.  It isn’t enough that I’m educating myself…my kids need mirrors.  They will not learn Black excellence from me…they will learn it because of the people, images, mirrors, that I surround them with. Why are we so willing to throw in our support to those who are already benefiting from our systemically racist society rather than support those who have been so harmed by it? 

So what does that mean…I will engage in thoughtful discussion.  I will shut up and listen when I need to.  I will help you in your “growing pains” as I go through my own “growing pains”.  But I will NOT try to rationalize wrong behavior at the expense of Black people.  I will NOT engage in harmful debate that goes nowhere.  I’m DONE empathizing with the oppressor when we refuse to truly sacrifice our supremacy and our privilege for the oppressed. 

So what does this have to do with adoption…what are you willing to do when you CHOOSE to adopt Black children? I’m willing to do EVERYTHING.  

~Chelsea

I’ve been struggling to find the words.  Struggling to use my voice while not drawing attention to myself as a white woman.  We’ve blogged infrequently upon bringing our 13 and 11 year old daughter and son home .  But there is nothing “simplex” about what’s going on in the world right now.  It’s pretty damn simple.  

It is astounding to me how many people can “pray” for my family.  Proclaim how great it is that my husband and I have adopted children…Black children.  But the irony is not lost on me that so many people talk about how “cute” my children are, send us well wishes, but find it too egregious to state that Black Lives Matter.  This isn’t a matter of politics.  Of differing opinions.  It’s a matter of morality. 

You followed our posts and offered support and for that I will be forever thankful.   But did you think my words were empty? I said it and I mean it…it isn’t enough to just love my children.  

We have to do more.  

You have to do more.

To be in my village you can’t merely think my kids are cute and stop there.  You MUST believe that their lives matter.  That Black Lives Matter.

They have been adopted by two white parents who can NEVER know what it’s like to walk around in our racist society with Black skin.  

So Eli and I MUST reaffirm EVERY. SINGLE. DAY that their LIVES matter.  That Black Lives Matter.  

 I want them to see that they are descendants of kings and queens.  That their Blackness is to be applauded, not hidden away.  I don’t EVER want them to dim who they are.

So I know some of you are angry with me.  And I’m okay with that.  I know that some of you will state that All Lives Matter…I can’t be a part of that.  I know that my words may offend.  I’m good with that. This is hard enough right now, but I certainly cannot do it without people who are actually supportive and can fully embrace my children. Beautiful, intelligent, creative, resilient, Black children.  But what I don’t know is what this country, our world will look like when my children are all grown.  And I will do ANYTHING to ensure that it is a hell of a lot better than what it is.  

My children are incredible and have enriched my life beyond my wildest dreams.  Their lives and all Black Lives Matter.   

So here is what I’m asking of you…to care.  Not just because of my children, but for all Black Lives.  Read a book, follow a “cultural guide”–an influencer so to speak (it’s pretty easy via social media), listen to the lived experiences of Black people. Expand your circle…your world.  Do better.  Do more. I know I sure am trying.  

Places to start:

White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo

Stamped From the Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi

How to Be An Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

Me and White Supremacy by Layla Saad

I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

~Chelsea