Perspective has always been something that has fascinated me.  When I taught social studies, I used to have students do an activity at the beginning of the year about perspective. I had them jot down observations of our classroom from all different points in the room—under their desk, on top of a chair, from the corner of the room, etc.  We then discussed how we are all standing in the same room, but our perspective changed based of the “lens” we were seeing the room through.  My perspective on life, priorities, relationships/friendships, has most definitely shifted based on some of my life experiences, particularly working to build my family through adoption.  

It has been almost four years since we began educating and pursuing building our family through adoption.  And although it’s been awhile, this last year Eli and I were graced with a real sense of calm and patience.  I say graced because it was not through our own strength that we were able to remain steadfast.  This last year was tough…extremely tough for multiple reasons—work was hard (harder than normal), life got extremely busy, and truth behind “friendships” were revealed. But the constancy I relied on, drew strength from, was that I would remain steadfast in having faith that our family would be built through adoption.  See, this offered me perspective.  It became the “lens” that I looked at life through.  So don’t think for one second that I am “saving” children.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  This process, and submitting to it, and these children, have saved me.  

Perspective has been everything.  And the lessons that I have and am now learning have changed my perspective and are driving many of my life choices.  And now I’m at a point that I plan to act on some of them.  

What does it look like for me? 

 It looks like speaking out about racism and injustice, always and no matter what, whether or not it is uncomfortable. I’m willing and ready to have those conversations whether it is with a friend, family member, co-workers or stranger.  Why?  Because it isn’t enough just to be against racism.  To make a change we must all be anti-racist.

It looks like pulling in and prioritizing my family’s needs. This is a struggle for me because I am a people pleaser and often will put other’s needs before my own.  

It looks like cutting out unnecessary stress and investing in things that fill my cup rather than taking away from it.  I know this will be difficult for me.  I have a hard time saying “no”.  Goes back to wanting to please people.

It looks like asking for help, for support instead of assuming that people will give it (Eli says I assume that because that’s exactly what I would do—give support).

It looks like cutting out inauthentic and unhealthy relationships, even if it means conflict and confrontation.  

It looks like pouring into fulfilling and healthy relationships, even if it means narrowing down my circle.

Perspective is a simplex thing—yes, it’s simply about how you look at something, but what makes it complex is whether or not you’re willing to look at it from various angles. I’m thankful for the perspective that adoption has given me.

~Chelsea