Eli and I take time through blogging to share various aspects of our journey of hopefully adding children to our family through adoption. We make a conscious effort to try to share our journey  while also being a blog that people hopefully can relate to even if they aren’t in the thick of adopting. Because let’s face it…we’ve all been in “the thick of it” as it pertains to something, whether that be problems at work, feeling spread too thin, financial strain, general stress…among many, many other things.

I have no clue where our journey will take us.  We are in the process of working on our third home study.  Yes, third. Today we worked on paperwork which included submitting for three different clearances (sheriff, police, and DHS), one general background check, and then a Department of Justice name change check (we did our fingerprints last year, so we are good).  We’ve been in this “journey” for quite some time, and we’ve learned some lessons along the way–especially when we’ve been in “the thick of it”. Although we’ve learned many of these lessons while we’ve been pursuing adoption, we know that many of them can be applied to many situations.

Lesson # 1: Take time to value and do what’s important and let go of the rest.

This is so much easier to say than to actually do, but it couldn’t be more true.  Paperwork, inquiring on children, educating myself, reading narratives/profiles, talking to others—all of these things would never take place if I didn’t stop the other busy bullshit in my life and focus on what matters.  The “busy bullshit” is just that, “busy”. Yes, sometimes it’s necessary…so check it off the list and dedicate your time to the things that matter. The things that you value and that add value to your life.

Lesson # 2: “God won’t give you more than you can handle” just isn’t true.

We’ve all heard the phrase that “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” And everyone is completely entitled to their own opinions, but I don’t agree with this statement.  Life will most definitely throw things at you that you may not be able to handle and God will be there for you to lean on. I’ve had days where I have had far more than I can handle on my own as a broken human being, but my faith and the grace of God gave me strength.  The journey I have been on has required far more strength than I know I possess on my own, even as a woman who is trying to live with grit and grace. Try not to think of God giving you hard experiences and instead as an opportunity to find strength through Him.

Lesson # 3: You don’t have to know where you are going to end up to embark on the journey.

I know that it makes a lot of our family uncomfortable when we say that we don’t know if we will ever have children, but honestly, it’s the truth.  It doesn’t mean that we aren’t faithful. Just the opposite–we will be where we are meant to be. This doesn’t mean we are just leaving it up to sheer chance or divine intervention.  What it does mean is that we are learning all we can, we are sharing what we are learning, and we are embracing the adventure–even if it seems sad, scary, thrilling, exhilarating, heart-wrenching, beautiful, and broken at times.

Lesson # 4: Laugh, Laugh, and Laugh some more.

No matter how difficult a day has been whether it be because of work, our adoption process, life in general, I don’t think I’ve ever gone a day without laughing.  Eli makes it really, really easy. For example, just right now as I’m typing this, he was getting ready to go pick up some finished paperwork relating to our home study. I thought he was walking out the door.  The next thing I know he is putting on a rubber glove, grabbing toilet bowl cleaner, and making me laugh hysterically. Life is too short not to laugh your way through it. Laughing through the hard times is sometimes the very, very best.

Lesson # 5: Being optimistic or positive doesn’t mean ignoring reality.

I try to be optimistic and positive.  I really, really do. I love to smile and I work really hard to offer grace (although sometimes I fail royally) and attempt to see the good in people.  However, I’ve learned that it’s okay to see the ugliness of a situation. It’s perfectly acceptable to feel heartbroken during tough times or when you feel let down. It’s more than okay to identify the brokenness of this world.  However, try not to dwell there. The world is broken, and things get hard, and at times it may feel like you have been running up hill for years. But in that brokenness look for the beauty. It’s there. Search for it.  Put a reminder on your mirror to find it–in others, in nature, in yourself.

So where are you in the “thick of it” in your life right now?  I see you. I feel your worry. I know your exhaustion. Give yourself permission to invest your time in things you value.  Find strength in more than just yourself. Go on the journey without worrying about where you’ll end up, and do a lot of laughing along the way.  And see the beauty in the beautiful, but acknowledge the ugliness where it exists. There are so many simplex lessons to learn in this trying, very humbling, and beautiful life.

~Chelsea