I normally try to stagger my blog posts some, but Simplexity was made to be authentic, and when I feel inclined to write, I do.  

I woke up late this morning…I could tell that I just needed the rest–emotionally and physically.  See, this journey, these experiences catch up with you. And my goal of this post is to give you a glimpse into what we are experiencing.

Over the last 8-9 months we have read countless profiles.  It’s not just a profile. It is a child/children. A history, a background, a life.  We read these and like fabric they weave a place into the tapestry that is becoming our journey. And just because they don’t become a part of our family, doesn’t mean that they don’t become a part of us and this experience. 

Each time (and no, we don’t blog about them all) that we move to another step we feel invested.  I know it’s hard for people to understand, but we have to. We must allow ourselves to envision our lives with these human beings as a part of it in order to honestly ask ourselves if we are the very best placement for these kids.  We work very hard after a disappointment to learn from the experience, dust ourselves off, and continue to push forward. But at certain times, like this last week, it feels hard to bounce back (I should cut myself a little more slack–it’s only been 3 days).  This is a normal part of the process, but it can get daunting.

We don’t talk about it often, but at times this journey can be very lonely.  Although we are a part of numerous adoption groups, there is no one we personally know that has gone through our exact situation (and if you’re curious of our exact situation, please ask questions.  We are very open). This is the path we have chosen, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t get lonely at times.

So although I know many of you absolutely hate the freshly fallen snow on the ground right now, it feels about right to me at the current moment.  Just like my range of emotions, it won’t last long. It will nourish the greening grass below and the sun will warm the earth again, exactly like it’s meant to.

~Chelsea

Yeah, it’s like today–birds chirping, sun beaming, storm cloud looming and rain pouring. Conflicting emotions are something we are used to. Current update…we are where we are. It’s hard to give a positive or negative outlook, because it is just kind of what it is.  

I know, I know….it sounds cryptic.  Here’s the low down…we’ve been rejected–again (please don’t ask us to sound more positive, it is a true statement and we own it.). In the last two months we thought we were matched, to not having a match, to questioning that match, to walking away from that same match, to having a previous “potential match” resurface, to having a unique and unexpected “potential match” come about. We’ve read at least two to three more profiles in the last few weeks.  We have had opportunities resurface, but they haven’t seemed to go anywhere.

The conflicting thing…how do we feel about it all?   Kids having safe and loving homes is ALWAYS the best thing (and that is far more complicated than you know and understand). But that doesn’t mean that we don’t become frustrated or sad.  See I’ve learned that feeling hopeless at times doesn’t mean that I’m not faithful. As an English teacher, I understand that it sounds like an oxymoron.   I’m not currently optimistic, but I still remain faithful–not so much in a specific outcome, but in the fact that I will be where I am supposed to be (and let me tell you, I don’t assume that is left to mere circumstance).

So this is where we are…not hopeful but very faithful. Pretty simplex?

~Chelsea

In this day and age, and let’s face it, this probably has been said for many years throughout history, we live in a time with many “broken systems”. I mean you’ve heard the rants:

            “The foster care system is beyond broken.”

            “Why can’t the school system just get it together? We are leaving kids behind.”

            “The family structure is broken.”

            “The healthcare system is beyond repair.”

And I could go on and on and on…

Is there some truth to all of these statements not only throughout history, but currently right now?  Absolutely and without a doubt.  And I agree in a lot of senses. But the problem with these statements or questions is that they merely place blame but they don’t offer any solution.  

Not only am I a public school teacher, but Eli and I are currently working to adopt legally freed children (children whose parental rights have been terminated), ideally a sibling group. I understand “broken systems”, and far more than you know.  But just describing something as “broken” does nothing.  As a matter of fact, it points a finger at a lot of people and feels pretty defeating when you are working within or up against one.   

However, when you really break things down (no pun intended), there are a lot of very hard working, passionate people that are working within and for these “broken systems”.  They get up everyday and work for the people they serve, in spite of working within the confines of a broken system. And let me tell you as a participant on multiple fronts, it’s not easy. And merely identifying the systems that are broken does nothing. That’s the easy part–to identify and complain.  I consider myself an activist on multiple fronts of my life because I struggle to just sit back and only identify brokenness.  The ONLY benefit to identifying a “broken system” is to be able to take action and make a change.   

See pursuing adoption ethically and for the right purposes is precious and beyond enlightening.  It is about far more than just you and how you feel.  It has reinforced and taught me to advocate for those without a voice, to pursue self-reflection and education, to inform those who surround me, to speak out loud and strong even if my voice wavers, to listen even more than I speak (this can be a struggle for me, but I’m learning), and to put my feelings aside for the betterment and greater good of those around me. It’s interesting because all of these things don’t have to have anything to do with adoption, but really have to do with choosing to be the change within a broken system rather than just identifying one.  

It’s easy to get bogged down by the system, but true empowerment is found in action. So what does that mean to our current situation? As most of you know, we are still working on adding to our family through adoption, and we aren’t at the point we were about 6 weeks ago. At times it feels like we have started completely over.   But we know that’s not true…we are wiser, better informed, and ready to assist in changing and bettering the system in any way we can.  So what are we doing right now?  Blogging, sharing our story, listening to others’ stories, educating ourselves and others and pursuing the adoption of children who are in need of a permanent home.  In the future it means lobbying, continuing active involvement on multiple fronts, networking, and ensuring that every child is adequately taken care of…no matter what “system” they are involved in.  See it’s easy to say that we must take care of people, but it gets pretty simplex to actually do so.  I will happily take the simplex path.

~Chelsea