On the almost eve of a  “New Year” reflection is pretty natural.  I honestly feel as if I’m experiencing déjà vu as I write this, as there have been a few “new years” that have lapsed since we began this journey.  The amazing thing is that although my home, partner, job hasn’t changed in those years, I sure have.  

I had an opportunity tonight to look at where our blog Simplexitystarted and compare it to where it is now.  Honestly, I looked at the About and The Back Story: Part One and The Back Story: Part Two on our site and it made me cringe.  For a moment, I thought about changing the Aboutfor our blog, but I don’t want to erase any part of this journey no matter how different I now feel. What still rings true in the part of the About on our blog is, “We are walking this path with eyes wide open and are learning more than we ever thought possible and want to document our journey in a ‘real’ and ‘authentic’ way.”  As I looked at previous blog posts, I felt a little heartache, some embarrassment and naiveté, but really a lot of pride.  I’ve come a long way, damn it.  I know a lot more…but I don’t plan to stop here.  Of course there are many areas I want, okay, need to work on.  But as it pertains to adoption I learned in 2018:

• how to wait until I knew I was ready to move…no matter how much people may have thought that I was just stalling on making a decision as to where I would go next. This took me all the way until the middle of April 2018 to commit to another agency.  That time was sometimes spent in silence, a lot of reading, and relying on faith to set me up to be prepared for loss.  Not mine…but for the children that may come to us.  It prepared me, if I can really say that, to read redacted profiles, to admit I wasn’t the best placement for some children, and to put myself out there expecting nothing in return.  And it has been my absolute privilege.  
• how to let go of the societal pressures that weighed on me.  And you wanna know what? I realized they weighed on me because what I want is not what society always values.  I WANT to adopt school age children.  I’m ready to celebrate and own that. 
• how fortunate I have been to be raised to appreciate and participate in social activism.  However,this year I’ve learned that my privilege as a white female has allowed me to pick and choose when and how to use my activism.  I now not only acknowledge my privilege, but take active measures be an ally to a wide-variety of communities.
• I’ve learned there are seasons to life, but you have to endure them to experience them.  There is a lot of beauty there.  It’s the changing of the seasons, no matter how long they take that make us wise.

So where does that leave me for 2019? Pretty damn open.  I plan to learn more.  I plan to listen more.  I plan to embrace the seasons of my life, even if that season is sometimes winter. But I’m not “happy” or “sad” that 2018 ended because every year of my life, and more specifically, this journey, has humbled me and taught me some pretty amazing lessons.  So here’s to the simplexity of ringing in another what is sure to be simplex New Year. Cheers!

~Chelsea