Have you ever made a decision, set out on a new adventure, and/or faced a difficult but beautiful choice, and have felt within every bone in your body that you couldn’t be more certain that this is the path, the journey, you are supposed to take?  It really is indescribable.  I’ve heard about these things, even read about them.  A lot of the time when they are presented in movies the dramatic background music starts up and as it crescendos there is a close up on the lead actor or actresses face.  He or she looks into the camera, tears welling in his or her eyes, as a beautiful smile of certainty spreads across his or her face.

That movie scene is NOT what I’m talking about because let’s face it—real life is not a movie.  But what I am talking about is that every fiber in my being knows that I was meant to pursue adoption.  Notice how I carefully chose my words—to pursue adoption.  I don’t know what I’m destined for, and I sure as hell know that children weren’t meant to go through pain to fulfill my destiny of being their mom. But what I do know is that I was meant to take this path—to pursue adoption.

And guess what?  There is so much happiness in that.  So much peace.  Eli and I were driving to brunch the other day and were talking about this very thing. It’s hard to describe.  We were talking about the frustration or impatience we feel at times, but that it’s felt still in a peaceful way.  That couldn’t be any more of oxymoron, could it? And guess what makes it really confusing?  There is so much comfort in that peace when uncomfortable feelings rise. 

Yes, the wait is hard.  

Yes, we don’t know what our future holds.  

Yes, the rest of the world doesn’t really get what we are doing or why we do things and talk about things the way we do.  

But more importantly, yes, we are so happy—and we are happy whether or not a placement ever occurs.  Because there is peace in knowing you are exactly where you are supposed to be—pretty simplex, huh? 

~Chelsea