Those of you who know me know that I don’t cry often.  It’s just not something I do.  Especially in public.  I can remember crying twice in public…my wedding and my grandpa’s funeral.  I’ve definitely cried in front of Chelsea, and of course on multiple occasions in private.  I’m just not that guy.  Some would describe it as closed off, some emotionally immature, some as a “hardened” male farm kid.  Really it’s not those reasons…and in my “old age” I’ve figured it out.  It’s because in order to cry, especially in public, it has to be something that’s big enough, life-altering enough, and I feel to the very core of my being.  For many I’m sure that looks like a marriage, a child being born, a death of a loved one, or another one of those “life-changing” events thrown our way.  

If you would have told me 3 days ago I would cry in public because of a movie I would have promptly, curtly, but respectfully told you that you were full of s***.  

**DISCLAIMER**  

Crying is not weakness. I’m not suggesting that in the least. I think it’s good to cry.  I think humans should cry more, and the stigma attached to it should disappear.  In many cases I think crying makes us stronger.  It for sure relieves stress and in turn makes us more mentally healthy people.  It can dull pain, improve mood, help us recover by restoring emotional balance, and even reduce the chances of heart attack.  Okay, now I feel weak and a little messed up.

**END DISCLAIMER**

Chelsea came to the realization a number of months ago that she doesn’t really like watching movies. Didn’t see that coming, did you? I know, I was disappointed for her as well.  But when you are in the throes of adoption and a movie about adoption comes out you have to see it.  Instant Family…sounds like I just might like one [sic].  So we saw it. And I bawled like a baby (and I’m not ashamed to admit it). I’m not talking about getting a little choked up—I’m talking the baby needs to be fed, a diaper change and overtired all rolled into one.  Soggy popcorn is gross.

So I cried watching it for two reasons: because it’s my life on a big screen and because it’s just such a huge part of my life.  I’m not saying that a part of the movie was like a part of my life.  I’m not saying that the movie was just like my life. I’m saying that the movie IS my life. 

I cried because the things that happen to that family in the movie are things that HAVE happened to me. I’ve locked up the power tools and put everything on high shelves to pass a home study.  I’ve had you compare my adoption to adopting a dog.  I’ve heard the joke about how I can “have your kids if I want them.”  I’ve had you ask me if I hope my kid is going to be good at sports or if I can just “pick one out.”  I’ve heard these things in my life. 

I cried because the things that happen in that family are HAPPENING to me.  I’m scouring websites looking at children who need a home.  I’m educating myself to be the best parent I can be.  I’m looking through profiles of teens and their trauma and asking the hard questions to decide if I can really do it.

I cried because the things that happen in that family are GOING to happen to me.  I’m going to have kids who come from trauma.  I’m going to have children who were someone else’s first. I’ll go through the honeymoon period. I’ll see the long lasting effects of agony and anguish in my children’s lives.

So for those of you who want to be like Siskel and Ebert, pull up a chair, grab a bucket of popcorn, a soda, and get a good seat for what is my life.  Because like it or not, many of you are watching the movie that is my life, some are extras and many have a major part in the plot.  I’m not going to win an Academy Award, nor am I asking to, but I can’t wait to get on to the next scene. 

Roll credits…but stay in your seat and wait for that extra hidden scene, because it’s coming.

~Eli