I know I’ve been blogging a bit more frequently lately, but when the inspiration strikes me I feel compelled to write.  And lately, I’ve got inspiration.

I know many of our friends and family have seen that we’ve been at work on adding a third bedroom to our home.  It’s not exactly how we had envisioned our Thanksgiving break, but it’s where we are.  What many of you don’t know is some of the back-story behind the rush to build the room.

Throughout this journey we have had many ups and downs.  And although to many of you they may not seem necessary, Eli and I both view them as truly valuable learning experiences. We’ve experienced change, many life-altering decisions, and patience.  And honestly, there hasn’t been a journey in either one of our lives that has been so transformational.  

And through this process we’ve learned it isn’t about us.  And it doesn’t matter whether or not we are disappointed or frustrated.  What does matter is a child or children and what is best for them.  We understand this.  We’ve prepared for this.  We were ready for this.  

But adoption threw a curve ball and still managed to surprise us. What we weren’t prepared for was being a very good potential match for two beautiful children, but being passed solely on the basis that a third bedroom hadn’t been built yet. Please don’t be angry.  Although with this information we experienced frustration and a bit of sadness, we aren’t angry.  Why you may ask?  Because why should two amazing children have to wait for a family solely on the basis of a bedroom if there was another potential family out there and ready for them. Don’t they deserve an incredible family who will love and provide for them right now at this very moment?  We believe they do and that means understanding that it wasn’t us. See adoption, for everyone involved, is full of “what ifs”, “maybes”, and a lot of uncertainty.  And although the adults involved may have to experience this, the children shouldn’t have to.

A year ago, this would have really rocked me. The hurt would be raw and I would need time to heal.  But wisdom, a whole lot of grit, and a bit of grace has given us a new perspective.  It isn’t about us.  Imagine a child in the system…there are a ton of “what ifs”, a whole lot of “maybes”, and a crazy amount of uncertainty.

So what have we learned from the experience? Expect the unexpected. Rise to the occasion.  And control what is in your ability to control—like building a third bedroom over Thanksgiving break.  

The simplex thing about adoption is it’s about building a family, maybe building another room, and waiting patiently to do what is in the best interest of kids.

~Chelsea

Swollen glands, dull headache, general “yuckiness”.  Today I stayed home sick from work. Being the type of person I am, I just hate doing this.  But today was a day where I just needed to rest and pull inward. 

Eli and I have been super busy lately, and we are starting to hit that point in our health, in our adoption journey, in our social calendar, in our work calendar that we just need to take some time to pull inward. To go a little insular.  The crazy thing about self-care is what makes it so difficult is that the world around you keeps turning.  Work doesn’t slow down.  The holidays approach.  The day-to-day demands are still there.  However, some demands just can’t be put on hold.  In my under the weather state, a recent update has bumped building a third bedroom up to the very top of the priority list. And we’re hoping we can get it done in just a few weeks. Don’t get any ideas; it won’t be full yet, but our hope is that by building it we will get to that point.  

So as we enter the craziness of cold and flu season, the bustling of the holidays, and now the building of a bedroom to hopefully help to build our family, we pull inward.  We go a little insular.  And we take care of ourselves because the simplexity of building our family is pretty exciting, very emotional, and can sometimes make us feel just a little under the weather.

~Chelsea

I suggest if you have never seen the mountains (I mean real mountains not Granite Peak in Wausau or one of Wisconsin’s ski hills) you have to see them.  To take in the beauty, majesty and grandeur is awe inspiring. I’ve seen mountains before as a teen but what I saw this time as an adult I wasn’t prepared for.  You see, I have had a little more life experience now and am able to appreciate the beauty seen in the mountains.  But this also means that I can know, and feel, the enormity that is there as well.  I don’t mean “oh, those are some towering peaks.” I mean take your breath away, crush your chest, wonderment.  Almost to the place of fright and trepidation.  It’s almost unexplainable.  I liken it akin to space…you can see it, know it’s there, understand it to an extent, but can’t fully comprehend the enormity.  It makes me feel small, makes my problems feel small. But guess what?  I’m a small person, and to feel that chest crushing weight of life, similar to the mountains, is not only normal but unavoidable. 

Today for me was one of those days.  I can’t really put my finger on what seems to be crushing my chest.  Probably just life in general.  Like many I had a busy summer, busy fall, and now the holidays are quickly approaching.  Like many life just gets in the way.  Things I want to do, people I want to see, places I want to go that I just want be able to make happen.  Adoption…adoption…adoption.  It hasn’t been an easy road.  I’m not saying that in a take pity on me, support me, do something for me sort of way.  I don’t need it, not now.  But I recognize it’s been long, exciting, sad, happy, inspiring, challenging, and long. I know, I know for some it isn’t that way.  Most have a brother’s, uncle’s, cousin’s, friend who started the process and it happened in a month. And that’s fine, great, and wonderful-I truly say that with the utmost sincerity.  But for some it’s a different story.  That’s the lane I’m in.  

Please don’t take this as me throwing a pity party for myself-not happening.  Just saying it’s long…today I feel it.  I feel the chest crushing enormity of it all.  It’s like looking at a mountain, there are some things that you just know are bigger than you.  This is one of those things.  It’s about a child’s life…let me repeat that…a child’s life, for the rest of their life.  We aren’t talking a dog, cat, hamster or ferret.  Not the same.  It’s a big honking deal.  Today I feel that.

I feel the weight of trying to be an “instant parent.” There isn’t a grace period that my child will just be in a crib, stroller, or pack and play.  (I understand there are challenges to that as well, not taking anything away from anyone) I won’t have time to read up, ask others how they did it, or freedom to do other things while my child can’t really move that much. It’s on the go from the get go.

I feel the weight of my future child’s past.  I feel that already.  My child is going to come to me with a past.  That past will have already, and will in the future, affect their personality, how they think and how they react.  I have prepared for this weight but that doesn’t mean it can’t crush me. I can prepare to summit a mountain too but that doesn’t me it wouldn’t crush me.  Once that child is in my home I will feel that weight even more and I know that.  When you summit the mountain you still have to get down right?

I feel the weight of the process.  Packing for an Everest summit attempt isn’t easy.  It’s part of the overall challenge.  Preparing for adoption hasn’t been easy.  The process itself has been daunting.  Today I feel it.  The home studies, preparation, education, more education, inquiring, tracking, sending our home study, hearing no, tracking again, did I mention education? It’s all right, it’s all good, it’s all needed…but I feel it.  

So I guess all that to say…it’s one of those days that the mountain of life is right in front of you…you feel its enormity, its grandeur.  It is awe inspiring and wonderful but the weight of it is crushing. You prepare for it, hope to summit, and hope to come back down alive in one piece. But we can’t be 100% sure that it’s going to happen.  Those are the days that feel more COMPLEX than simplex. 

~Eli