Everyone is really well-intentioned, but I can still see it.

The sadness behind, “How is it going?”

The forced smile, even though when I say we are moving along and are right where we should be.

The thoughts I can read, even when you don’t think I can.  That maybe we are in denial.  That it has seemed to take a long time.  That maybe we don’t quite know what we are doing.

Trust me.  I know that some of you have had these thoughts.  And I totally get it, and please know I honestly don’t take offense to any of these things.  It has to be hard seeing us build our family on the outside.  You want to be supportive.  You don’t want to say or do the wrong thing.  I get it.

Bottom line—I haven’t, we haven’t even adopted yet, and adoption has made me a better person.  It has humbled me in a way that is indescribable.

Adoption has opened up a whole new world, and let me tell you, it’s not about “saving” a child.  It’s not about, “God choosing a child/children for us”.  I’m not a saint, and by no means, do my future children need a savior.

But they do need someone who will stand up.

Who will be aware.

Who will face fear.

Who will break barriers. And if they can’t be broken will help to find a way around them. Because let’s face it, I will never face some of the barriers others have.

I’ve always considered myself a person of action. I try to stand up for what is right; sometimes I fail, but I sure do try.  But my privilege has allowed me to pick and choose.  To step back when I’m tired.  To shut out the stuff I don’t want to hear.

Adoption has lit a fire within me.  To become more informed and educated.  To stop and listen to others.  To not be silent in a time when I must speak up, even if it is uncomfortable. To not remain idle, but to be active, to advocate. To see a little more clearly, and let me tell you…when you see clearly you have to take action. To know the difference between political and what is just common decency and right. To stand on the right side of history…not just once, but each and every time. To get to know people…truly get to know people because when you see people as people it’s a lot more difficult to cast judgment, but easier to join hands.

And now…to pass on my knowledge to others. Am I there yet?  Not even close.  But I’m trying to live my life with grit and grace.  To be a voice.  A helping hand. An advocate. An ally. Our adoption journey has done this for me and nothing can put out the fire that is within me. As difficult as it may seem, how could anyone see this journey as anything other than a true blessing? And I’m solely talking about the journey, not even children.  Because this journey has humbled me so much that even if we never adopt children, I wouldn’t change one thing.  I know I’ll end up exactly where I’m supposed to be as long as I grow, learn, and become a better person.  And regardless of where I end up, I know it will be just fine. I hope you are able to have a journey that is so humbling. It is beautifully simplex.

~Chelsea