I bet you’ve never been compared to an undergarment but that’s exactly what we need you to be.  Supporting in a pretty simplex way.

Ahhh!!!! So we are really doing it. It has finally started, and it feels surreal. If you missed it in our last few blog posts, we have signed on with an agency and we have been assigned our caseworker. We have started writing our home study to become licensed in the state of Wisconsin, and we have actually just scheduled our first two home study visits—the first one being only two weeks away. I can’t believe we are here.

And right now I’m feeling every emotion possible even with the certainty that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. We have some expectations, but we’ve also gained the wisdom to know that we will end up where we are supposed to be. Now don’t get me wrong, we aren’t just leaving things up to fate. Not even close to it. But we’ve gained the insight that the journey doesn’t always take you to the place you thought you’d end up, but you can still end up right where you’re supposed to be.

Our family and friends have been so great, and I know that for many of you the wait has been hard. I know it gets hard to know how to support us, and you’ve been wonderful. I’m sure many of you find yourself asking many of these questions:

Should I ask them where they are in the process?

            Do I bring up adoption? Maybe it makes them sad?

            Do I reinforce how great of parents they will be?

            Should I just wait until they say something?

I totally get how hard it must to support us. I mean, let’s face it, it’s definitely a slightly different journey. But now, I can outwardly tell you, we would love any support, good thoughts, and prayers you have to offer.

We love your questions, and we certainly appreciate them. We particularly like the How are you guys doing types of questions. And let me explain why. The how are you questions in regards to our adoption is a little broader. More often we get asked the Where are you in your adoption types of questions. This one is a little harder to answer because there may be no change in where we are for a really long time. I’m sure some of you have noticed this over the last few years. We often don’t really know where we are until we get there. We so appreciate your inquiries and it really let’s us know that you are thinking about us in this process.

Another way that you can support me, specifically, is by really acknowledging that the power and beauty of womanhood isn’t only exemplified through the miracle of carrying and delivering a baby. Don’t get me wrong, I am completely satisfied and happy to build my family through adoption, but sometimes it feels like society is telling me I’m not as much of a woman because I’m not “labor strong” or because I haven’t breastfed, or I don’t have stretch marks from carrying a baby. I’m secure enough in this, but you can really support me by helping to break down the societal perception that women are only strong in this way. They are most definitely strong because they birth babies, but there are so many more things that make women strong in addition to giving birth.

Being a teacher, I clearly value the role of education. Much of our time during this “waiting period” has been spent educating ourselves. Those of you that are close family and friends can really support us by starting to learn acceptable adoption language (we can always help with this), becoming comfortable with the fact that our family will be different, how trauma impacts children, as well as educating yourselves on racial issues within your own biases as well as society. Eli and I both have a plethora of resources we would love to share for those who are interested.

These are just a few of the ways that you can support us. I sure hope that it didn’t look like the teacher was trying to “school” any of you. Throughout our time planning to build our family through adoption we’ve really learned to ask for what we need. And support is exactly what we need right now. The above are just a few examples, but we will take anything we can get and please know there is no wrong way. Providing support seems simple on the surface, until you understand the intricacies of building a family through adoption. Then it becomes much more complex. We so appreciate your simplex support through this very simplex journey that we have had the privilege of taking.

~Chelsea