Stick with-it-ness and a virtue granted by God or something you show to others—GRIT AND GRACE. These two very short but powerful words have become my mantra in the last year. By no means am I completely a “girl with grit and grace”, but I’m working my hardest to get there.

The last year has been tough. Not awful. Not terribly sad or depressing. Just tough. Why? It’s a year that I sat and really reflected. I slowed this journey down. I thought…

…and thought

…and thought some more.

And I second-guessed how long I was taking. I let my heart heal. I got angry. I prayed. And I really pulled inward (or at least I tried to…it’s not really in my personality). And most importantly, I sat in the silence. I thought that my “reflective process” would never end…

But it did. And now here we are. We have committed to an agency. Something I was unsure would happen again. We have a caseworker, and so far, she seems great. We just got sent our new batch of home study paper work.

And I’m scared.

I’m ready to move forward.

I’m nervous.

I know my future is there, but I still can’t see it.

I worry.

And now…

I know that it’s completely okay. How do I know that? Because grace allows me to trust that I don’t always need control, and the grit I’m trying to develop allows me to get up and push forward. Because you know what? Throughout all the fear, the lack of trust, the waiting, the stupid comments, the love, the support, the wisdom, the awakening, I know I needed this process and I couldn’t be surer that I’m exactly where I need to be. So don’t get me wrong, this isn’t some sob story…this is a revelation. I’ve been born a new woman—just a girl trying to have grit and grace.

So just a girl trying to have more grit and grace…what does that mean? It means starting to work on the paper work even if I do feel a little fear. It means educating myself on trauma, transracial adoption, and things that are currently affecting adoptees. It means outwardly asking you for your love and support. It means cutting people slack while thoughtfully educating them. And it means relishing in this beautiful and simplex journey. Because let’s face it, grit and the recognition and giving of grace is developed in the process, not just the end result.

~Chelsea