The other weekend Eli and I were at church. Our pastor was giving a sermon about the seasons. The seasons of life that is. He explained how throughout our lifetime we float between seasons—fall, winter, spring, and summer. Fall is the working time of our lives. The time where we are putting in the long hours, nose to the grindstone, completing tasks at hand. Winter is the hard times. The times where one needs to pull inward, seek advice from those who offer wisdom, time to take care and rest. Spring is the time for renewal, new opportunities, possibly a new journey to take. And summer—summer is the high times. The time for celebration, excitement; the time where life is just great. Our pastor then asked us what season were we in? He noted that we might be in between two. He also noted that the time spent in each one might not be equal. I reflected and prayed and really thought about what season of my life I’m in.

Lately in my life, I’ve been straddling between winter and fall…mainly in the last six months or so.

Fall

I have a million things to do. Work is forever getting more difficult. I want to do well and excel, and I don’t want to let my students or my colleagues down. It’s important for me to be successful…not just for my own benefit, but because I have people in my life that are depending on me. Typically, I pride myself on helping anyone who needs it. I take on responsibilities when I feel needed. This can look many different ways—standing along someone who is facing an injustice, chaperoning a dance, helping out a family member, listening to someone who has had a hard time (God knows people have listened to me), protesting/demonstrating for a worthy cause, among so many other things. The fall right now in my life is also getting my ass in gear to really start this next leg of my adoption journey. See, what you don’t see are the countless hours of research, the committing to an agency, the four background checks, the 40+ hours of paperwork, and having faith. I’m willing to work, but the fall in my life has left me feeling tired and weary.

Winter

I feel like I try hard. I feel like a lot has been thrown at me, and honestly, at times I feel really guilty for saying that because let’s face it—I’m incredibly blessed. But on the hard days, and the moments I feel depleted, I can’t help but feel that Eli and I tend to have to take the rockier journey. The slightly more difficult path. I know it’s for a reason…trust me…I have full faith in that. But a rocky road is still bumpy even if it gets you to your destination. The winter, my winter is comprised of many things—a long adoption journey, insensitive people, an innate need to stand up for what is right even if it is scary, uncertainty. I’m generally a pretty happy and bubbly person, so it’s out of my character to feel in this season for much longer than just a few days.

See, one thing this journey, our adoption journey, has done is put things into focus. I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I’ve experienced feelings, emotions that I’ve never felt before. I’ve been humbled. So what does one do when they know they have to work hard but feel like life is throwing them a lot of curveballs? You dress for the season. You nestle in and take time for yourself. You ask for help. Sometimes it’s not about needing a positive word of encouragement, but instead just needing a validation that life is hard and you’ll get through.

~Chelsea

For some reason I always look at Daylight Savings in March as the gateway to the spring. Like it’s just about here. For example, as I sit and type this right now I have my window open just a bit…even though it’s still quite chilly. The sun’s rays feel a little warmer and I know that winter is no longer here to stay. Tomorrow will stay light just a little longer, and by golly, that feels good.

This time of year gives me the same feeling every year regardless of what is going on in my life. It never ceases to amaze me. It’s a time of energy, renewal, warmth, and hope. This is why I love spring so much.

Two years ago we were in our hopeful adoptive parents’ bliss. Our crazy amount of paper work was completed and we were home study ready. We thought about what our future child/children would look like, we read every bit of information we could possibly get our hands on, heck, we even had an adoption party.

One year ago we were literally and figuratively walking out of one of the winters of our lives. We were just getting started to mend a broken heart and repair shattered expectations. Our home study lapsed, we were not going back to our agency, and we had no idea where our journey would take us. But we were eager for spring. We were eager to feel some warmth, some healing, and we knew spring would help us with that.

Right now? I’m blasting some Vance Joy, enjoying an Abita Purple Haze out of a mason jar (very spring to me), typing up this blog post while looking outside and seeing the snow melt, and hearing the ice on the lake move and crack. Not only do I still feel the hope of the spring, the warmth of the sun’s rays, but this year I also feel renewal. The spring in our lives, and here in Wisconsin, is just about here, and I can’t wait. And I’m fully aware that spring and summer wouldn’t feel so good if it weren’t for the harsh winds and frigid temperatures of a brutal Wisconsin winter. So as we walk out of the winter of our lives, we feel tougher, wiser, and realistically hopeful. This year our spring will consist of a true commitment to another adoption agency, and hopefully, another joyous and wild ride to building our family.

The gateway to spring is all about smelling and enjoying a vase full of daffodils while watching the snow melt. Happy almost spring everyone!

~Chelsea