It’s the day after Christmas. I woke up this morning to the cozy comfort of my warm house. I sat up in bed, looked out my window, and was handed a fragrant pepperminty cup of good coffee from my husband. It was a good day. We had just come home from my parents’ house after enjoying a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my mom and dad and my brother and his girlfriend. As I took in my first cup of coffee this morning, I decided to see what my friends and family had been up to this Christmas via Facebook.

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

As I scrolled through my newsfeed, I was inundated with pictures of baby’s first Christmas, beautifully wrapped presents, sonograms announcing pregnancies, cutest children in the world, and memories being made. A picture is truly worth a thousand words, but sometimes I think those words are lost in translation.

So we are standing on the precipice of 2018. And what have we learned about adoption and our experience?

• There is no normal. And our family sure isn’t normal, won’t be normal, and we don’t and won’t fit into your “average” family.
• Our family, our future family has some sadness, grief associated with it. This doesn’t mean that Eli and I are sad. This doesn’t mean that we desperately want a baby. This doesn’t mean that we aren’t happy with exactly where we are. What it means is that we truly understand the ramifications as to why are children will be with us. To deny their loss is to deny their history.
• Our privilege makes us responsible to speak out against injustice, and not just when it serves our purpose, but at all times.
• We will have “firsts” but they won’t involve a cute Santa hat and professional photo ops. And guess what? We are very okay with that.
• We are stronger than ever, and we most definitely need support, but we don’t need validation for our family’s choices.
• Life is far more complicated than anyone wants to show on a Facebook post.

Please know…this isn’t meant to be a post that shows all of our friends and family how hard this road has been because let’s face it…the difficulty of our journey isn’t the waiting for our family; it’s the knowledge that we are in this 100% and we will adapt to whatever comes our way. We’ve been beyond blessed. But my tiny bumps on this journey have helped me to truly empathize with those whom this season is a little more difficult for. Those who dreaded Christmas this year. Who can’t look through another photo of a seemingly perfect family’s Christmas. Who desperately miss those who aren’t with them. Who are tired of trying.

So I just want to acknowledge all of them. Those who can rejoice in the joy and hope that comes with the season, but who really just don’t feel that this is, “the most wonderful time of the year.” Is there anything more simplex than that?

~Chelsea