It’s the day after Christmas. I woke up this morning to the cozy comfort of my warm house. I sat up in bed, looked out my window, and was handed a fragrant pepperminty cup of good coffee from my husband. It was a good day. We had just come home from my parents’ house after enjoying a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my mom and dad and my brother and his girlfriend. As I took in my first cup of coffee this morning, I decided to see what my friends and family had been up to this Christmas via Facebook.

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

As I scrolled through my newsfeed, I was inundated with pictures of baby’s first Christmas, beautifully wrapped presents, sonograms announcing pregnancies, cutest children in the world, and memories being made. A picture is truly worth a thousand words, but sometimes I think those words are lost in translation.

So we are standing on the precipice of 2018. And what have we learned about adoption and our experience?

• There is no normal. And our family sure isn’t normal, won’t be normal, and we don’t and won’t fit into your “average” family.
• Our family, our future family has some sadness, grief associated with it. This doesn’t mean that Eli and I are sad. This doesn’t mean that we desperately want a baby. This doesn’t mean that we aren’t happy with exactly where we are. What it means is that we truly understand the ramifications as to why are children will be with us. To deny their loss is to deny their history.
• Our privilege makes us responsible to speak out against injustice, and not just when it serves our purpose, but at all times.
• We will have “firsts” but they won’t involve a cute Santa hat and professional photo ops. And guess what? We are very okay with that.
• We are stronger than ever, and we most definitely need support, but we don’t need validation for our family’s choices.
• Life is far more complicated than anyone wants to show on a Facebook post.

Please know…this isn’t meant to be a post that shows all of our friends and family how hard this road has been because let’s face it…the difficulty of our journey isn’t the waiting for our family; it’s the knowledge that we are in this 100% and we will adapt to whatever comes our way. We’ve been beyond blessed. But my tiny bumps on this journey have helped me to truly empathize with those whom this season is a little more difficult for. Those who dreaded Christmas this year. Who can’t look through another photo of a seemingly perfect family’s Christmas. Who desperately miss those who aren’t with them. Who are tired of trying.

So I just want to acknowledge all of them. Those who can rejoice in the joy and hope that comes with the season, but who really just don’t feel that this is, “the most wonderful time of the year.” Is there anything more simplex than that?

~Chelsea

In the last few years Eli and I have had the joy, and let’s face it sometimes the frustration, of being able to see situations from a unique and different perspective. We are right now standing at the precipice of 2018 and if you look at the surface it almost seems like we are further behind than we were two years ago right after we had submitted our completed home study.

Right now, there’s no home study.

There isn’t an agency.

But so much more has been gained than meets the eye.

Education isn’t free, and boy have we ever learned. Right now as I’m typing this post I’m sitting in my cozy home. I’m looking at the camp that restores my soul. Peeking into the bedroom that I’ve redone, once again, that will hopefully become my future children’s room. And guess what? I don’t feel sadness. I don’t feel sorrow. I feel comfort…even as my husband makes fun of the serious face I’m making right at this very moment.

See, perspective is everything. I feel like right now I have a much more “360” view than I had in the past. I understand that adoption comes with loss, but I don’t feel sad. I feel tired and weary at times from the challenges we’ve faced, but I feel stronger than ever. I see the blessings we have so much more clearly now.

To see the world clearly and to understand perspective, I truly believe that you have to be willing to see it from all angles. On the surface we may not have accomplished a lot, but let me tell you we’ve gained far more experience, perspective, advocacy for our future children, and certainty that this is what we should be doing. I know to the world and to many of our friends and family, a speedy adoption is what everyone is praying for. But the fact of the matter is that we wouldn’t have gained this unique and much needed perspective had we been matched right away. And to be honest, I don’t think we would have been as well equipped as parents as we are now. Parenting is a lifelong learning process, but parenting a child or children through adoption takes humility, empathy, understanding, grit, and a willingness to completely and utterly throw the What to Expect When You’re… books out the window.

It’s standing in the same spot and having that knowledge that seeing what many would view as a cold, gray, barren landscape can be as breathtaking as a radiant, beautiful, take your breath away sunset.

~Chelsea