Were you aware that your fingerprint is solely unique to you? Completely your own—no two finger prints are the same. I mean as a matter of fact, identical twins don’t even have the same fingerprints. Human experience and how humans respond to experience never ceases to amaze me. Experiences are kind of like fingerprints.

So how does this relate to adoption? There are roughly 135,000 adoptions that happen every year. Eli and I have had the opportunity to talk to many people who have been impacted by adoption. Eli has two brothers who are adopted, we’ve talked to countless adoption professionals, read hundreds and hundreds of articles (maybe close to a thousand now), been in two adoption communities, and have talked to other parents who have adopted. The interesting thing is each adoption story is unique, and it’s almost never cut and dry. There is not a singular common “adoption story”. There are adoptions that go super fast. There are some that go very slow. There are some adoptees who are very angry about their experience with adoption. There are some families who have very open relationships with their child’s birth parents. See…the point I’m trying to make is that adoption experiences are about as unique as a fingerprint. Just because someone in someone’s family once adopted and had a horrible experience doesn’t mean that all adoptions are rough. And just because someone’s sister-in-law’s cousin adopted a baby in a month doesn’t mean that all adoptions through that agency will go fast.

As I’ve continued down this path, I’ve learned that I have fewer answers and many more questions. That may seem frustrating to you, but it’s taught me to open up my eyes–to listen sometimes more than I talk, and let’s face it, that can be pretty tough for someone like me. I’ve learned that nothing is as easy as it seems, and no, I’m not talking about Eli and I waiting to find our child/children. What I’m talking about is I view people and their actions differently. I’m less quick to judge and more eager to help. I feel deep and strong empathy for people in various situations. I don’t have to go through the “same experience” as someone else to stand up for what is right. Just because something doesn’t directly impact me doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be a voice for those who are impacted. And again, how does this relate to adoption? Experiences are unique, just like fingerprints. It’s simple to say that I have grace, humility, grit, and faith when going through my experiences and understanding the experiences of others, but it’s a little more complex to put all of those things into action in every aspect of my life. I’m working on it each and every day because I know it’s better for my future child/children, their birth/first parents, my community, and my impact on the world.

~Chelsea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember back to the days of tests in college? Or how about high school for that matter? I don’t think anyone is the biggest fan of tests, myself included. Maybe you are still in school and you still have to do tests. Or have tests in your job or at home in one way or another.

Although I don’t remember being a fan of those test, I do remember being a fan of those teachers who gave us hints of what was going to be on those tests. You know the ones I’m referring to. Those teachers that “discretely” cleared their throat when telling you a fact or figure to remember. Or how about this, “You REALLY need to know that prophase is the first and longest stage of mitosis.” Or…the ever clever, “hint, hint, wink, wink this will be on the test.” For me being able to know something ahead of time about what was coming made a huge difference on how I worked, prepared and studied for the upcoming exam.

Of course those tests don’t end when we graduate high school and move on to college, or graduate college and move on to life. So what gets us through those tests that life throws at us? What makes us able to get through those “pop quizzes”? What about that exam that we have been studying for but just seems to take a really long time to finish?

Well, guess what? I think we can prepare ahead of time. We can get the occasional hint to help us make sure the outcome is what we need it to be.

Question 1: Am I in control? That one seems easy right now and the answer is a resounding NO. I have over the past few years and through our adoption experience realized that I am nowhere near in control of what will happen and when it will happen. I have had to give that control over to God. I know that there are certain things within my control during the process but the majority of this process is defined by my faith. Hint, hint, wink, wink…this is on the test.

Question 2: Can I be prepared for what is about to come? This one gets a little harder. I think there are a lot of ways that this answer can be yes and a lot of ways this answer can be no. There are times that I think that I am fully prepared to adopt…and an equal number of times that I think I don’t have any of the answers figured out. I know I have an exponential amount of learning to do when it comes to adoption. I do think I can prepare for this test ahead of time…that doesn’t mean it won’t be a difficult test. The phrase “You REALLY need to know this” has already been said to me more than a dozen times when it comes to the journey of adoption. And I know I will be forever grateful to that “teacher”.

Okay…so the questions are getting progressively harder.

Question 3: Am I willing to wait faithfully until it happens? This one might be the hardest question of all. Sometimes my tests take me to places where, honestly, I see no way to work through it. No way for me to conceive a workable solution. When those times happen, when that doubt creeps in, when I feel like putting down my pencil I think to myself, am I willing to wait? This one is hard to get a “heads up” on, or to study for, and certainly no one is clearing their throat trying to give me a heads up. This is one of those questions in life we just need to power through. Are you willing to wait? Am I willing to wait? Wait for that adoption, that child, that right situation. I can tell you that answer is yes, but it isn’t always an easy question to answer. The answer has become obvious but not without a lot of studying and hard work to make it that way.

So the test isn’t over. For any of us. I have tests, you have tests, and we all do of different varieties I’m sure. The test that is happening in my life right now is adoption. So I need to constantly remind myself: I am not in control, I can prepare (but only so much) for what is to come and I AM willing to wait faithfully until it happens. What are the questions on your test? How can you get the “heads up” on what is going to be on the test. I don’t know about you but I would rather be prepared than not.

~Eli