Many of you who have been following our story know that we’ve been Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, and learning for quite some time now. It’s been approximately four months since our home study lapsed, and we are in the process of choosing a private agency to pursue domestic infant adoption. I’m sure to some of you it may seem as if we are dragging our feet on making a decision…on jumping into our next opportunity. And guess what? Maybe we are.

It’s funny. The other day Eli and I had lunch, and as we sipped our delicious beers on the banks of the Milwaukee River we talked about how far we’ve come. I know that with our story, even with some of the blog posts we write, it can get easy to focus on some of the trials and tribulations of our journey, of this journey. As we chatted, I looked over at the river. Boy, the water was really high. There were even some big rocks and branches in the water, but it didn’t stop the water from flowing. The water moved right over, under, and around those obstacles. The ripples and waves those obstacles made were quite beautiful.

As we reflected and took in the beautiful scenery, we laughed a lot. We talked about how naïve we were when we first started. We chose our agency, felt secure, waited, and things ended a little rough. But thank God that we weren’t chosen during that time…we needed, I needed, more time to learn. We completed all of our paperwork in record time. And thank God we know what we are in for this next time. The wait has been hard, but bottom line I thank God for it. Not for my sake, but for our future child’s sake and for his/hers first family’s sake. We owe it to them to be fully educated and as prepared as possible.

Now I know that may just sound like an overly cautious excuse. I can hear some of you thinking Just jump already, Eli and Chelsea. You’ll be great parents. And I do appreciate the sentiments, but adoption isn’t just something you wing. And I know I won’t be perfect, no parent is. But my child as well as our child’s first/birth family deserves adoptive parents who are ready with eyes wide open.

So as tough as it is to wait, do you know what I’ve learned?

I’ve learned that love is not enough. It just isn’t.

I’ve learned that waiting isn’t always bad.

I’ve learned that you can take a leap of faith without leaping blindly.

I’ve learned much, much more about white privilege and how that changes my perspective on the world.

I’ve learned that there isn’t always enough support for birth mothers and fathers.

I’ve learned that adoption is not merely waiting until you “get your child”. It’s wrapped up in trauma, loss, and a lack of resources.

I’ve learned the importance of finding an ethical agency, not just for us, but also more importantly for expectant mothers and fathers (people who are pregnant and still deciding if they will place).

I’ve learned that when many people think of adoption they think of it with a “savior” mentality. “Oh how nice of them to give that child a good upbringing.” This is hurtful and adoption is not a means to “save” someone.

I’ve learned that in the realm of adoption, but also life, knowledge is absolutely power.

This barely scratches the surface of what I’ve learned. You see, there have been obstacles, much like those branches and rocks in the Milwaukee River, but our hunger for knowledge and desire to be informed parents allows us to go under, over, and around them. And instead of being something ugly and super hard, it can actually be quite beautiful.

So thank you Jack Johnson; we’ve been Sitting, Waiting, and Wishing, but with a purpose—to learn.

To do things as well and as right as we possibly can. We appreciate the wait of each step, but we know we will take our next step exactly when we need to. If only it were as simple as just being patient.

~Chelsea