I’ve stared at the blank screen on my computer for a while now. I asked Eli well over a week ago if he would write the next blog post—it didn’t happen. I’m always one who has words, but right now, for this blog post, I’m just not sure what to write. There is a reason for this.

I wish I had an update. I know that many of you, our friends and family, are eagerly waiting to read our blog or to talk to us and hear that there has been some type of movement in our adoption journey. To a certain extent, I’m sure that it gets sickening or tiring to hear more about the wait…trust me, at times I’m feeling the same way. However, movement in our journey just isn’t happening right now. I’m certain that many of you are wondering why we keep stalling continuing forward; why we don’t just jump right in again. Don’t feel guilty if you have thought this. I wish I had a simple answer or a great update. Our story isn’t the Wow…we prayed, we waited, and at the exact right moment God granted us a child. I don’t say that to sound flippant, but it’s the truth.

The wait, the time, the developing of patience is a big part of the process. I’ve mentioned this before, but it couldn’t be more true. I now look at my/our journey differently, which in return, can make the process a bit more lengthy.

What I can tell you is this…we are tirelessly scouring private agencies to pursue domestic infant adoption. And let me tell you, it’s taking us a lot more time to research agencies. Through our wait I now know just how important it is to find an agency that is concerned and caring about expectant mothers (mothers who are pregnant and are considering placing their child) and future birth mothers. I don’t want to work with an agency that pressures a woman into placing. I know that’s not best for anyone—the first mother, the child, or us.

What I can tell you is this…we are very interested in the possibility of a transracial adoption, but we know that in order to do it justice we must be researched. We know that in the society, the world that we live in, love is not enough. And there will be certain things that we as “white” parents won’t be able to fully understand adopting a child of color.

What I can tell you is this…in no shape or form are we stalling or hesitating or backing out. As a matter of fact, it’s just the opposite. We are preparing. We are resting up. We are heading in with eyes wide open because we now know through our wait that adoption comes with loss.

Eli didn’t write the last blog post for the same reason that it’s taken me so long to start this one. We don’t necessarily have any big news, and we aren’t always sure what to tell you. But the weird thing is that our journey, this wait, adoption is never out of our minds. So, it’s as simple as writing a blog post, but as complex as sharing every facet of our journey.

~Chelsea