I don’t have a cutesy theme for this blog post, but I’ve got that itch tonight that I have to write. I’m sitting on my couch while Eli cooks, watching more March Madness and listening to the crackling of a fire. This should be a nice cozy night. And don’t get me wrong. In a lot of ways it is. But tonight, my skin seems to be crawling just a little. I’m unsettled and slightly agitated. I’m sure for various reasons you’ve all been here.

This is a feeling I’ve slowly but surely started to get used to. Do you know what it is?

Uncertainty. I’m sure many of you have been curious where we are heading next on our path to grow our family through adoption. I wish I had an answer for myself, let alone you. I just don’t know right now. As a matter of fact, I don’t really even have a clue. It’s not for a lack of trying. This can be a hard place to sit in.

Eli is so good at just going along for the ride. Don’t get me wrong, the wait and uncertainty for him is difficult too, but he is unwavering. He knows we will make decisions when we need to, and he is confident that those decisions will be just right. Eli’s faith and confidence are just a few of the many qualities I love about him.

I’m 100% confident that we are supposed to adopt. I’m 100% confident that we are right where we should be, even if the feeling of uncertainty is uncomfortable. I’ve grown used to some of that, but it still can be upsetting at times. I’m a planner. I like to know where I’m heading and how I’m going to get there. However, I’m realizing that this just isn’t going to be the case for our journey, and that’s okay. I can feel unsettled by it, but I’ll keep trucking along.

Uncertainty is hard. You want to know the funny thing…as I wrote this post I was even uncertain of what to write about. What’s ironic is that we can be so uncertain about things that we are so sure about. How’s that for simplex?

 

~Chelsea