The decent into madness is upon us. March Madness…if you had no previous knowledge it sounds like the worst case of spring fever you have ever heard of. It’s not. It’s that time of year when we make sure we have a good view for the games, all of the snacks we can ask for, and our brackets filled out and entered. It has turned into something that everyone can get involved in regardless of age or gender. Even Chelsea fills out a bracket, granted based on what team has a better mascot (just kidding, full disclosure she beat me last year) and she sits on the edge of her seat waiting for that upset. I can remember as a kid getting scolded for gambling in study hall as I combed over my bracket and counted the ensuing scores that came in.

It was almost a full year ago that we were getting ready for an adoption party at camp during March Madness (thanks Brian and Tammy for an amazing party). I remember talking about it, before we decided we wanted one, being totally clueless about what to do or even whether or not to have one. We wanted something different. Microbrew was a must, education was a must, and a celebration with friends was a must. But it’s still different. You see, we know our circumstance was and is different. It wasn’t a baby shower; we didn’t want it to be a baby shower. But we made the decision to expand our family through adoption–eventually, hopefully, God willing. That should be celebrated. We decided we wanted to do something–even if it is awkward for people — shoot, it’s even a little awkward for me, or at least was, not so much anymore. Sounds simple; we do the home study, wait, have an adoption party because we are going to have a baby in a year, and wait again, bring home a beautiful little baby. How many of you thought that same thing? It’s okay if you did. (Told you we would keep it real)   Sounds simple…not so much.

This is the part of the blog that continues to keep it real. The adoption party was fun; it was a good time. We drank, watched basketball, and visited with friends. Everything that we wanted and… I don’t know if we would do it again. You see, I know more now than I knew then. I feel like we have had a lifetime of education as it relates to adoption in the last year. I know it isn’t true and there is ALWAYS more to learn on topic but that’s how it feels. Those lessons, hardships, happy times, ups and downs affect how we think about the past. For that matter the future too. As they should.

So if I did it over again I don’t know if I would have another party. It feels weird to me now. We don’t know how long it will be before we adopt kids. We don’t know if we will adopt siblings. We don’t know if we will even adopt a baby. I don’t know a lot of things that I thought I once did and that’s okay. It’s okay to be unsure, undecided, unknowing, unresolved, unclear. I’ll tell you what I am though, it’s unwavering. I’ve learned a little awkwardness is okay, a little not knowing is okay, and a little murkiness is acceptable. I’ve learned to embrace it, grow from it and make decisions based on it.

Brace yourself; more realness ahead. Even though I’m not sure we would have another adoption party, I am really glad we did it. We had a really good time. We needed it–Chelsea needed it. She won’t ever have a “normal” baby shower. I’ll pause to let that sink in……………………………………………………………………… that’s a big deal. Even I know that’s a big deal and we’ve discussed my level of emotional intelligence ad nauseam. How many of you make an obscenely big deal out of baby showers? You’ve seen, heard about, and experienced showers since you were young. I don’t mean being excited, that of course is fine. I mean make such a big deal of it you do so at the complete expense and neglect of everyone’s feelings and experiences. (Not that it is your intention) It’s like a wedding; imagine wanting one and never being able to have it, and then being a maid of honor ten times over. ESPECIALLY as a woman. Just remember there is still a lot of potential unknown swirling around those celebrating your big day. Baby showers might be hard for some people. They might really be needed by others. Not knowing everyone’s circumstance is fine…not really caring is not, regardless of the day.

So as I refresh my browser to catch the latest scores, March Madness means something totally different to me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my bracket filled out, and am on the edge of my seat with anticipation of an upset. It’s just that I have learned from my experiences, and the unknown. They have taught me to stay the course, accept what I cannot change, be empathetic to others and their situations and be thankful for what I have. And that is just the very tip of the iceberg (The meaning of March Madness also hopefully includes a perfect bracket).

Simplexity is real…the two coincide well with each other. But sometimes the most simplex topics can be offensive. If you took offense to any of this post it was not meant to be that way. My intention is not to offend. Irritate and agitate in order to learn and reflect is fine…I meant to do that.

~Eli