When we first started this blog we said we would be as truthful as we can be so here it is. This isn’t a fun one to write but it is nothing less than true.

We have heard so many people who admire our relationship. We hear it all the time. You guys are great together; you are so strong, you’re tough, we can really tell that you are best friends. All of these things are true but guess what, we are normal. A normal couple just trying to survive this crazy mixed up world just like everyone else. You want a glimpse into our lives; well you’ve got it. News flash, we argue. No, it’s not “having a discussion” as our parents would lead us to believe when we were younger. It’s a real argument. It’s also not that bad. It’s not a knock down drag out sort of fight. It’s more of a “we’re not on the same page” sort of argument. So before you go and start suggesting counseling or therapy we aren’t there just yet. Not that there is anything wrong with that. And I’m sure counseling is in our family’s future.

So today was “one of those days.” You know the kind I’m talking about. Where you just aren’t on the same page and no amount of beer will get you there. You know when you are trying to say something to your significant other and they are trying to say something to you and you just don’t get each other. Same can be said about times with siblings or parents or supervisors or whomever it is you may communicate with in life.

Chelsea and I rarely (and remember you get full disclosure with me) fight. It’s true. Sometimes we get frustrated with one another but we rarely fight. And truth be told today wasn’t a fight. It was a frustration that we communicate differently. You see, I don’t really talk about feelings or anything that is considered close to a feeling. (Refer to previous post for more info) So when I try to express myself it just doesn’t come out right. Think BP’s 2010 oil spill PR bad.

A normal couple may bicker about when or if they are going to have children. Now please don’t get me wrong or think that I am making light of that discussion. That is an enormous decision and life-changing event that should be discussed, bickered about, prayed on, and navigated before jumping right in. That is a colossal decision. It’s a little more difficult in our situation though. We made that decision…a long time ago. We waited until the timing was right for us. It didn’t turn out so well. (Again see previous blog entry) We made another decision shortly after that; to adopt. That decision was/still is the right decision. Choose a route, and an agency; done. Again, didn’t go so well. Now we are stuck with an additional decision and it gets even harder. What now? Private, public, what age child?, open to special circumstances?, siblings?, how many?, race?, drug use during pregnancy?, private?, public?, foster care?, Wisconsin?, other states?, international?. The list could continue but you get the picture. It is not an easy decision. All of these things need to be talked about, discussed, pondered and decided upon. Just like the decision of whether or not and when to have children should be met with greatest of discernment, each of these things we have to decide are equally important to us. It takes time, understanding, fantastic communication, empathy, and delicate care to figure each of these out. And that makes it hard.

I know that for our family, friends and even me we just want a decision or a “here are all the answers you are looking for.” But the more I get into adoption the more I realize the answers just aren’t that easy. A conclusion my wonderful wife has come to far earlier than this. (Hence the difference in communication)

Okay so there it is. How is that for leaving you hanging? No resolution, no clear answers, no further direction. That’s just how it is…decisions like this are not to be made lightly. There isn’t anything I would say I would like to fight with my wife about, but I NEVER want to fight with her about adoption. It’s our thing; it’s where we are, it’s where we want to be. We are both passionate about it and are open to so many different things. There are lots of things that still need to be communicated about regarding our adoption. And that’s okay. We will talk about them, discuss them, and heck maybe even argue once or twice more.

Simplex enough for you?

~Eli