There are some things I feel like I do pretty well.  I’m good at my job; Camp comes easy to me.  I am a pretty good organizer.  I like building things and am good using my hands and fixing things (thanks Dad).  I am good at wilderness canoe tripping…not a lot of people can do that.  I feel like I am a pretty good and supportive husband.  I’m good at stupid bar games: pool, darts, foosball and the like.  (Just ask Chelsea-she hates to lose but hates it more when I let her win)  Okay-so apparently humility does not fall into the “things I’m good at” category.

There is something I am not great at…Hello, my name is Eli and I have low emotional intelligence.

Truthfully, I never really cared all that much before.  I’m not a “feelings” sort of guy, I don’t talk about them, never really have, never really thought it was all that important.  I have realized though that it’s important!  My wife, Chelsea, has really helped me with this.  You see, she has a REALLY high level of emotional intelligence.  It comes easy to her.  It’s like wilderness canoeing for me; it’s just one of those things that comes naturally to her.  Although, she will never admit it-which in a way proves my point.  You see she’s not just good at it; she is able to articulate the importance of it, which helps me immensely.

Here’s the reason it helps me.  You see everything involving adoption requires a large amount of emotional intelligence.  And she’s better at it than me.  Which is just another reason we are so great together.  Why is it important?  Well, it’s important now.  We just wrote a letter to our adoption agency and severed ties with them, we’ve been waiting a while now, we don’t know exactly where to go next, it’s a lot of stress.  I would say this would require the ability for me to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.  Moving through this process requires empathy and emotions to enhance thought and understanding of dynamics.  Sounds like emotional intelligence to me.  It also sounds REALLY important.

It’s also going to be really important for me to have a high functioning emotional intelligence for our future child/children.  It’s going to be really important to model it for our children.  It’s going to be important for our child/children to work on their own emotional intelligence as well.  It’s something I have to be good at to help my child with.  Emotions may interact with thinking and allow people to be better decision makers.  A person who is more responsive emotionally to vital issues will attend to the more vital aspects of his or her life.  A high level of emotional intelligence is also related to emotional understanding in response to oneself and in response to people and circumstances they will encounter in their life each day.  Sounds important to me.

Let’s call it a work in progress for my life right now.

For those of you that know me, this is already a pretty simplex post…that’s about as close to emotions as I get.  Now it’s time to go do something burly.

~Eli

Just over 14 years ago, I met the love of my life. We have been best friends and partners ever since. It’s easy on this day of love, roses, candy hearts, and lots of chocolates to reflect on what has really strengthened not only our marriage but also our strong friendship.

Eli and I have had ups and downs over the years, but we’ve managed to laugh and goof off throughout most of that time. I’m telling you that no one makes me laugh harder than Eli, and at least for me, laughter is pretty important. Our communication, devotion, and bond has grown stronger with each obstacle we have faced over the years. Early in our relationship I changed colleges. We had a long distance relationship for almost four years. At times this was difficult, but now I look back and giggle at our astronomical phone bills (sorry, Mom and Dad), our water fights in the car after visiting each other on the weekends, and how Eli could always somehow detect my mood over the phone without seeing my face (this drove me crazy).

Eli and I were married August 18, 2007. I remember thinking that we couldn’t be any closer. He was my best friend, my soul mate, my confidante.

The 2014-2015 year was about as hard as they come. Eli and I had two miscarriages, and there sure didn’t seem at the time much to giggle or laugh about. However, we grew unbelievably stronger. During both miscarriages, I curled up on our large ottoman at the foot of Eli’s chair (yes, he has a designated chair). He rubbed my back, brushed my hair off of my head, and did anything I needed. At a time when I didn’t think I could laugh again, we leaned on each other, watched the most awful, trashiest television show possible, and worked our way through that hurdle. We loved each other even more.

We began our adoption process in 2015. Boy, now at this time I thought there was really no way we could know more about one another. And of course, once again, I was wrong. Through this process, we were asked questions about each other, our backgrounds, the things we admire in one another, our weaknesses, etc. It was enlightening to see how your partner truly sees you through their eyes.

Throughout our relationship, our marriage, I’ve grown to love Elijah a little more every day. It’s the big and the little things. The moments when tears fill his eyes when he talks about what our life will be like with our future child/children (trust me, tears don’t happen often with Eli). It’s the times we laugh so hard about the dumbest things. It’s the dancing in the kitchen and running in the grocery store. I’m prepared and well aware that this journey may at times be tough, and love with bumps in the road can be simplex, but I know the journey will be great because we have one another.  This Valentine’s Day, the phrase “Be Mine” really holds a much more complex meaning.

~Chelsea