We are approaching our one-year mark of completing all of our paperwork for our home study (the documents and evidence you need to adopt a child/children). It has been a year and three months since we first started our journey on the road of adoption. Looking to where we were on our knowledge and awareness of adoption to where we are now has been absolutely incredible and transformative. We have learned so much through reading, talking to others who have experienced adoption within their family, and most importantly listening. Dialogue within adoption is incredibly important. Not only for adoptive parents, but for children who happen to be adopted as well. It is our story. Our future child/children’s story. And it is so important that it is not something that we are silent, awkward, or afraid to speak about.

In our experience, many people are hesitant to start conversation to quench their curiosity about adoption and our experience. We can absolutely understand how intimidating it may be to broach this subject. What we do want people to know who are supporting families/people who are adopting is that we have been asked it all, whether it be by a social worker, a stranger, an expectant mother or father (potential birth mother or father), or a close family member or friend. We would much rather be asked the question(s) rather than be asked nothing at all. We know that there isn’t a glowing mother with a proud belly to show the process we have been on, and that can be difficult, for both you and us. It makes it hard and at times awkward for people to know what and how much to ask. Please feel free to ask away. We welcome it. Although the starting of our family is not traditional, we are starting our family, and we want to share in that joy, planning, anxiety, and anticipation that goes along with that.

The road to adoption can be a long one. It can be very lonely and quite challenging at times (make no mistakes though, it’s well worth it). Please check in with us (hopeful adoptive parents-HAPs). We need it and won’t always ask for it. We know our journey is longer than most towards parenthood, so we at times question how much we should talk about it or how to talk about it.

Some common terms that may be useful as you are approaching conversations with families who are built through adoption:

• Expectant mother or father/Birth mother or father rather than real mother or father
• A child is placed rather than given up
• Mom or Dad rather than adoptive mom or dad
• Son or Daughter rather than adoptive son or daughter
• Hopeful/Potential Adoptive Parent: someone waiting to adopt a child/children

 

So start the conversation if you have questions or even just comments. Truly we welcome and enjoy them and it makes our journey a lot easier to endure. Starting this blog was a way for us to open that dialogue and to talk about our experiences, but please know that you are a part of that conversation as well. We are well aware that it takes a village to raise a child, and so we welcome your thoughts, ideas, and questions to help us in eventually raising ours. A true example of Simplexity–starting the conversation.

*Note: Please don’t hesitate to comment on the blog post itself. You never know who may read it, be helped by it, or may share it with others.