You don’t have kids? You’ve been married how long? Don’t you ever want a family? You both would be great parents.

Eli and I have always been best friends. I mean that’s who we were when we first started dating—best friends, and that’s still who we are. After we got married in 2007, we so enjoyed being not just best friends but husband and wife. We were relatively certain that we wanted to start a family at some point in our life, but we were in no rush to start anything. We were merely enjoying our lives together. We knew that when or if we decided to expand our family, we would both be on board, and we would both have a vision for what our family would look like.

Adoption was never out of the realm of possibility. I had always thought of adoption as a way to add to my family. Being a teacher and a daughter of two social workers led me to love all children, biologically or by other means. Eli, having two brothers through adoption, knew that journey and love, and had always intended and wanted to somehow expand our family through adoption. The real question was whether or not we would expand our family biologically.

We decided to take a leap and try to add to our family biologically. By November 2014 we had our first miscarriage. According to many sites a 1 out of 4 chance, right? Devastating and at times lonely, but we pushed forward. By May 2015, only a day after my grandmother’s funeral, I found out I was pregnant again. It was difficult to not be scared, but we knew it was out of our hands. We did the blood tests, two ultrasounds, prenatal vitamins, all the stuff you do as you’re expecting. A day after picking up some used baby stuff from a friend, we realized that we were facing the possibility of a second miscarriage at my tenth week of pregnancy. This was confirmed a few days later.

This was a devastating blow, but Eli and I leaned on each other. We saw the true strength of our marriage, and there is no one that I would rather have to hold me up. We took our time. We sat in silence. We grieved. And then…we continued to live life because that’s what you do. So, starting a family…simple, right? Or is it simplex?

~Chelsea